System Survival

I’m supposed to want this. This System (Get a job! Get a mortgage! Start a family! Buy all the things!) was built for, and by, people like me. White, educated, straight, and male.

And whilst I’ve been lucky to hit all the beats, this System didn’t feel like a natural fit.

But maybe, just maybe, I was never going to fit in.

My current definition of this System is:

“In the womb, before you are born, all your needs are satisfied unconditionally: somewhere safe to live, food, water, comfort. Once you are out in the world you may earn rewards from this System to ease those needs by exhibiting approved behaviours. Disclaimer: this System reserves the right to create new needs at any time.”

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You have to accept the premise that you must work to get somewhere to live, own a car so you can go to work, buy food, and pay utility bills.

“That’s just the way it is. We all had to do it.”

But core needs aren’t optional extras.

This System has been designed to sell you back what should already be yours.

And yes, I sound like a loon. I’m not supposed to notice there’s a System.

Even acknowledging its existence makes me sound like the 5G guy down Wetherspoons you try to avoid.

But I think this is important.

This System is designed to work you. You don’t work this System.

This System rewards those who conform.

Conformity is not the same as being good at anything, or being smart.

You could be the smartest person on Earth but if you don’t conform to this System, all your smarts are no use to you whatsoever.

This System is designed to make any questioner feel like they are Other, like they are insane.

Perhaps some women and some people not born white reading this will be like “haha, no shit, he only just got here?”

But I was born to this System so, of course, it’s going to take me a while to deprogram.

Here’s where this System and I parted ways.

I never understood why I had to have a job. Never wanted one. Everyone told me “you’re naive, that's not how life works.”

But I tried anyway. I lived in squats, I didn’t have a job. It worked fine for a while. But eventually The System made sure I needed more (I was cold, I was hungry, my clothes were rags) and to fix that, I had to submit to this System.

Another crucial part of the design is that this System has no alternative. You might say “no thanks, I don’t want to be in this System. I can see how it works and it’s not for me, can I do something else please?”

You don’t have that option.

Outside this System, there is nothing.

You are made to feel stupid for not choosing this System because once you leave, you now have nothing you can use in this System. Everything in your life just got one million times harder. Because this System is all there is.

This System reinforces itself. Good behaviour advances you, bad behaviour… well, this System leaves the consequences of that to your imagination.

That 3AM awake anxiety “I’m going to lose the house, everything I’ve worked for”? That’s a feature, not a bug, of this System.

You’re not mad for not fitting in.

Not fitting in is the sanest possible position.

But this System is intentionally designed to break people who place themselves outside.

So, what to do?

All I know is, once you can observe any System at work objectively and see what it is designed to reward and what it costs to get that reward, a lot of things become clearer:

Outcomes are not shaped by what you think is right or fair, they are shaped by what the System rewards.

You probably know at least one person who would be an amazing fit for some lucky person but whose dating app experience is a general feeling of not being seen. That’s a System at work. Your friend, through no fault of their own, is not exhibiting the behaviours that System rewards.

Being lucky matters more than being good at something.

If you’re lucky, your gifts will align to whatever the System rewards. I am lucky in a Western patriarchy. A genetic accident of birth meant I am 186cm tall (around 6’1” in old money), I have a symmetrical face, I’m white and I have a relatively pleasing speaking voice. Being gifted these biological features alone meant I could underachieve and still earn better rewards than others.

You stop making the mistake of thinking “If I could just get to X, everything will be fine”.

Like many, I dreamed of an escape to the country during COVID. “That would fix everything” I thought. But before I committed, I zoomed out from fixing my problems with my current postcode and saw that this new system introduced new friction points: a rail commute (in the UK? Madness), zero support network because I didn’t know anyone in the new location and the dog would have much more alone time. Always look at a reward in the context of its System and what else it will cost you.

Energy becomes easier to manage.

If you’re working really hard and still not progressing in a System, then stop, evaluate, is that System for you? Or could you stop wasting energy and move on? If not, could you adjust your expenditure so it’s proportional to the rewards gained?

During one period at the BBC, I tried really hard to get promoted. But I kept hitting a ceiling I could not get past. One day I got a great piece of advice: “there’s nothing for you here” which prompted me to review what it took to get the promotion reward. The promotion required effort I never wanted to spend.

Takeaway: invest the time up front to work out what any System rewards then decide how much of your beautiful, finite life on this planet you want to expend earning its rewards*.

*Rewards not guaranteed. Rewards may change at any time. Cost of rewards can change without restriction. Systems may return less than your original investment.

Related content:

• Explaining the rules to the board game ‘Capitalism’

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